Some days you won’t believe in anything. You’ll want to believe but it’s just useless sometimes. You just have to allow yourself to feel those feelings to get through it. Some days, while walking down a dimly lit sidewalk somewhere in the Bronx, on a frigid night, you’ll just want to lay down and disappear. Not die, just disappear. And never be seen again. You want to feel exactly like that lonely block, with no people around, no lights or noise, nothing. Nothing interrupting its presence. You wanna be just like that sidewalk and just exist as if it doesn’t.
But, despite those feelings calling you to do exactly that, you keep walking, deciding that the fear that pushes your forward is more important than the fear that’s pushing you down. The walk is slow, heavy-feeling. But you keep walking.